Jealous Girl

Jealousy is an emotion that can have devastating consequences to a relationship. Jealousy is a negative emotion that many of us suffer from to some extent; it is a feeling of emotions such as anger, hurt, dependency and self-doubt. Self-doubt stems from a fear of losing something, when in fact we ourselves often make this reality by our behaviour and actions through jealousy. A few steps for you to overcome jealousy in your life.

• Become independent – you should only truly rely on yourself and never develop dependency on one person, focus on developing self-independence and on what you have in life, not what you don’t have
• Give yourself a confidence boost – treat yourself to a new hair-do, a day at the spa or a new outfit, do something to give yourself a boost in confidence. If your confidence is very low then attend a course on how to assert yourself
• List what makes you feel jealous – sit down and admit to yourself what makes you feel jealous, list them down and be open in your thinking, are they silly things that make you jealous? And do they really matter?
• Talk your fears over with the person – sit down and talk with the person who is causing you to feel jealous and let them know how you feel. Are they doing something intentionally to make you jealous? Or without realizing it? If the person truly cares for you then they are usually more than willing to make changes, especially if they didn’t realize they were causing you to worry and feel this way
• Take a good and honest evaluation of yourself – being honest about yourself and admitting you might have problems with low self-esteem or self-worth can be an eye opener and is the first steps to changing your feelings
• Study the person you are jealous about – look at the person openly and honestly, figure out what you dislike about the person and what do you like if anything, about them? Ask yourself if you are being unrealistic in your thinking
• Don’t magnify your feelings – unless the jealousy is severe or it has been with you for a long time then chances are it is only fleeting and can have occurred for many reasons, with any luck these feelings will pass over and your relationship will calm down. Until this happens try to keep your feelings under control and don’t let them spiral.

There are many self-help methods that can be used to help those who suffer from severe jealousy, these vary from hypnotherapy courses, audio CDS, books and magazines, any technique which can be used to help relax and calm you down can also be helpful, particularly at those times when jealousy first strikes.

No matter how hard we try and how positive we try to remain about situations, we all end up having to deal with disappointments sometime during our life. We set goals in order to succeed in life.  Even though we give it our best shot, things don’t always turn out as expected and disappointment sets in. Disappointment in itself is not particularly a bad thing; its how we choose to deal with it that can make a difference. If we simply choose to accept the failure and allow the disappointment to wash over us and quickly go away we don’t suffer adverse consequences, it is only when we allow the disappointment to linger and we dwell on it that negativity and bad feelings can stay with us.

Some disappointment in life can be good for us because it allows us to grow and develop and practice thinking positively, going through disappointment and coming out the other side still wearing a smile makes us realize that no matter what life throws at us we can overcome it. Here are some tips to help you deal with and overcome disappointment when it rears its head.

• Realize that grief, stress, anxiety, fear, pain and suffering are just a natural part of life that we have to go through, it’s how we deal with it and come out the other side that matters.
• If family members or loved ones are causing you disappointments remember that no one is invulnerable, you cannot always live up to your expectations or yourself so how can you expect others to be perfect.
• When faced with disappointment instead of looking at it as though it is a bad thing, welcome it and think of it as a test or challenge.
• When things go wrong analyse the situation, see what you can learn from it and then let it go.
• Don’t except anything more from life than what you are willing to put in, if you don’t expect anything more, you won’t be disappointed.

Whenever you have a bad day for whatever reason, what you need to do is think. Think hard, but not about the misery or the misfortune that has hit you. You may want to think about the problems you face but instead focus on the things you are blessed with.  In short, your negative thoughts may make your bad day seem worse than it actually is.
Focusing on all that is positive will be the key to beating a bad day.

Negative thoughts and emotions are usually the fuel that feeds the fire of a bad day.  It is then that you must put together strategies in your every day life to overcome them.  You can turn to a good physical work out.  Or, just simply relax in the open and observe the peace of the wild.
The good times

Remembering the good times in your past that enriched your life with happy, pleasant thoughts can elevate your spirits beyond most thoughts.  Also you must think about the things in your life that you have to be grateful for.  After opening the thoughts of the good times, this single bad day or group of bad days will become insignificant.

Do not focus on your bad moods or emotions. Doing this will surely drive you deeper into depression and sorrow.  A bad day cannot simply become a good day by focusing on all the negative in your life.  Remember that a bad day is just one day that WILL pass!  It may or may not have left scars on your mind and body but remember that this pain is temporary.  There is no medication to heal this…Only time.  So for today, ignore the negative aspects of your day and focus on the positive.  Because, this day will bring lessons learned in the future.  Avoiding from getting into the same or similar situation can be the changing point in your life.

This does not mean that you start thinking about your purpose in life, your personal relationships, your career graph or your future on a bad day. The day is not suitable for taking any major decisions about your future life, because such decisions cannot be sound, given the dark background. Put off taking important decisions till a better day when you regain your mental poise and composure.

One simple formula that will help you on your bad day lies in the fact that your sorrows get divided and your pleasures get multiplied when you share them with your close friends or family. You may try to overcome your bad day by discussing your problems with your close friends.

Any or all of these easy-to-adopt measures will be helpful in providing relief to you on a bad day.

LIfe is filled with problems. But you have to be aware that it is a sign of life! You will need to know the right problem solving process. So, face it and find the way to deal with it.

Problems affect our life and we have to deal with them but, its how we deal with them that make all the difference.  Unforeseen circumstances and mistakes in both our lives and the lives of others are the problems source.  It’s being able to deal with them as best we can when we face them that will make the difference in our lives.

Be in control and stay there

I admit there are many ways to overcome problems when we face them but, it most important to remain in control of your thoughts and feelings.  This is the most important way to overcome them.  Remember, worrying and allowing your anger to take control of the situation won’t change anything all it will do is make the problem worse than it already is.  Instead, look at your problems as a challenge you must face, better yet a test put in our path in order to become a better person.

It is all about how we deal with problems emotionally that matter, our emotional state can take us through our problems if we allow it to. If you worry when you face problems and allow depression to set in, you still have to get through the tough times, only they will be so much harder to get through.

The first thing you have to understand is that you don’t have to understand the cause of the problem in order to solve it and get past it. If only I knew why? Is the first question that many of us ask when faced with difficulty, but knowing why doesn’t change anything. The solution to the problem lies ahead not behind and this is the way you should be looking, don’t spend energy trying to figure why, spend it focusing on looking for the solution.

It is best explained that you should not spend more than 10% of your time focusing on the actual problem you face and “why”.  Spend the remaining 90% focusing on a solution to the problem.  Instead of “why” the question you should be asking yourself is “what can I do to change the situation”.
When problems get you down

If problems are getting you down remember that everyday is a new day, while life seems to be throwing many problems your way right now it doesn’t mean it will tomorrow. Leave the past where it belongs and only concentrate on the future and it getting brighter day-by-day.

To lift yourself up out of the blues ask yourself “what is happening in my life right now that I have to be grateful for?” if you sit down and think deeply about this, no matter how many problems you seem to have right now there is always something which you should be grateful for.

So dealing with solving problems is all about how you look at them, face them head on and don’t shrink from them in despair. Focus on obtaining a solution for solving the problem and then go for it full steam ahead until you have dealt with it and got through it.

Not letting things get to you and taking life lightly is the key to living a happy stress free life; it is when we don’t realize how much stress is building up because of holding things back, worrying about things and holding grudges that many problems occur in life. When we allow things to “build up” we easily get overwhelmed. There are techniques that can be used to slow down, relax and take life a little easier. If we don’t learn to take life lightly then we allow things to run our life and stress becomes a part of who we are. In the long run we “Burnout” and it ends up taking a severe effect on our health. You can burnout because of problems at work, or lifestyle or individual personality characteristics. The symptoms can be different but all have a strong effect on health and happiness over time if you don’t take control and change the situations that may cause it.

A loss of physical energy
If you are continually faced with stress then it can have a draining effect on your body and mind, this will make you feel as though you have less energy and can make you totally lethargic. You may no longer have the interests you
once had or the social life you once did, even the thought of getting out of bed may seem like too much trouble.

Frustration
Stress leads to frustration because you may feel sad for no particular reason, impatient or even ever changing moods, this will eventually lead to you feeling as though you are losing control over your life or that you no longer have the
ability to control it.

Problems in relationships
You may find that you are letting relationships slide, this could be because you find yourself losing patience with people around you, you have less interest in things you used to do with others or you feel you cant mix with people you used to like being with.

A pessimistic outlook
Getting excited about life and being happy gets harder and harder when your feeling a burnout. You find that it gets harder to look on the bright side of any situation. It becomes almost impossible to take life lightly. These are the times that we find its difficult to let even the smallest things go and this causes you to get deeper into a rut.

At times we may feel as if we’re stuck, the world has closed in around us and there is no way out.  Being in this situation can not only make you feel depressed but also make you less productive.

Daily life, for most of us, is ran by a routine or an action that we cannot avoid(IE working an 8 hour day, taking the kids to school).  Another reason behind routine is that we get into a comfortable state with our lives and feel secure in where we are, so why change anything?

However, sometimes we can get down because of our routines.  Work gets harder, relationships have problems, we become unhappy and daily life isn’t what we thought.  This is when a change is needed; now is the time to claw with you fingernails if needed to get out of the hole you have put yourself in and start living a better life.  Enjoy life again!

Here is a list of some tips to help you regain control and get out of your rut.

• Do at least one new thing everyday that is not in your normal routine, this could be as simple as starting a pastime you once enjoyed again.
• Take up new hobbies, give yourself some time throughout the day to enjoy yourself
• Try new foods
• Get out and meet some new people
• Take up a new sport-this is a way to meet new people and get some exercise in

Excellent Self-Care

While the majority of people do try and take care of their physical health with exercising and a d good diet most don’t think about the other side…Mental health.

Here are some tips for excellent self-care:

• Pamper your body- exercising can take care of our body but we also need to remember to give our body a treat every now and then.  This could be in form of a massage after a hard days work or maybe some easy stretches to help relax the body
• Relax- refresh your body and mind by taking time out of your day to give yourself some peace and quiet time.
• Be a kid again- I’m sure we can all agree that our childhood was much simpler than what we face today.  Go do something that you use to do as a kid.  Jump in a puddle, go swimming, go rollerblading or just anything to get your mindset back to having fun and enjoying life.
• Find comfort- we all have things that comforts us in trying times, something that can make us feel safe and secure.  This may be reading your favorite book, sitting in front of a fire or maybe just sitting down and watching your favorite TV show.
• Dare to dream- take yourself out of your own world and enter another one. Maybe just sitting outside and daydreaming, reading a fantasy book or watching a fantasy movie just go into your own fantasy world.
• Have a “Just for ME” day- Treat yourself to a full day of doing whatever you want!  Don’t do any work or even think about work just do what you want and enjoy your “Just for ME” day.
• Release- write down any concerns or worries you have in a daily journal.  This can release a lot of stress!
• Put yourself first- never put anyone about yourself never compare yourself to others.  You will find that you can help and reach more people if you make sure your good first.
• Stay off the pedestal- Never let anyone put you up on a pedestal.  Stay humble and let people know your human because if not you will feel and believe you have let someone down.

Make goals that you work towards to achieve what it is you want out of life.

In our lives there are many little changes we can make to “Stay Boosted”.  Boosting your mood brightens up your day, brings a smile to your face and makes life a little bit easier to deal with.  Just by taking a few minutes each day to make these little changes you could be surprised with the difference it could make.  It doesn’t have to be huge but just something to help.  Below is a list of tips to help when your feeling down to help give yourself a Boost.

With about 5 minutes to spare:

• Take out a notebook/daily goal planner and list the tasks to complete for the day and cross of the completed
• Step away from your work and eat one of your 5 daily portions of fruit or vegetables
• Look yourself in the mirror and vision yourself becoming the person you want to
• Pull up a positive blog on the internet and read

With about 15 minutes to spare:

• Do a few quick stretches and exercises
• Write out an affirmation including the things you want in your life
• Find a comfortable spot, close your eyes and meditate/relax
• Pick up a positive book and read

With about 30 minutes to spare:

• Go for a walk and say hello to everyone you see
• Write an E-mail to someone special and let them know how much they mean to you
• Call a mentor/life coach and catch up on everything you’ve missed
• Take a power nap

The other day, I watched a TV series called “Medium”. The main character, Joe Dubois, got a new job. His new boss was a kind of genius who does things on his own. When Joe joined the company, his colleague told him that they would do the job only when his boss assigned him to do. He seldom did. So, that evening, Joe went to see his boss. He asked if there was anything he could do. The boss asked if anyone told him his working style. He explained that his division was basically his own work and he normally worked things out by himself. He hired people just because he wanted to keep his head counts. His division would maintain getting the expenditure budget. In case, one day he might need it.

Joe still wanted to show his initiatives. The next day, Joe sent out his works to his boss. That evening, he asked him if he saw it. The boss said he saw it. And he said it was not bad. “But frankly, it is not excellent.” He said to Joe. “I don’t do anything but excellent.” Then he told Joe that he would be miserable in his division because he was better than others. Joe should be in a better place than being in his division and doing nothing. So, he organized to swap Joe with someone in other division which has something valuable for Joe to do.

What struck me were the boss’ words. “I don’t do anything but excellent”. In life, if you want success, you must outrank other people. You must be very good at what you do. This is how the word “excellent” comes into play. You may say that being excellent is difficult. You are right. Success is not that easy. If you need to achieve high and meaningful goals, you will have to pay the price.

So, how are you going to be excellent on what you do? It is simple but it is not easy. Firstly, decide to do the best you can. The best you can may not be excellent at the first time. It may not even be right. It can fail. But that is OK. As long as you do your best, you will get better next time.

Brian Tracy used to ask his students in one of his course. He asked if they know how many times people try to do things before they give up. The answer was less than one. It means that most people don’t even try to do anything when they know what they have to do. The first step is to start. Then you will have to imagine that you will keep doing it and improving it until you succeed.

So, do the best you can! Plan to aim for being excellent. Make it your habit. As mentioned in another hit series, House MD. Dr House taught his student s that they had only three choices in life. Be good, get good or give up. In short, there is no other choice but being good or excellent in what you do.

If you settle for mediocrity, failure is all you have left to fall on. True success can only be reached when you dig deep and realize that “Mediocrity is NOT an option”. Keeping this in mind, we should always strive to achieve and get the most out of life that we possibly can. Its only when we “Reach for the Stars” and push ourselves can we pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. Self-discipline is the single most important key to success in life. By pushing yourself harder and harder every day and never giving up, you will be surprised at what you are capable of achieving. I like to call this the “Reach for the Stars”.

While almost everyone I’ve ever met wished for success in what they did, very few actually pushed themselves that little extra bit in order to achieve their goals and dreams. This is the problem that we face every day. Not that many of us have pushed that extra bit. How well you succeed is all about how bad you want the success, what it means to you, are you willing to succeed a little or are you willing to go the whole way and beyond to achieve a higher status and be outstanding?

When starting in life we all start out with the best intentions. Just like running hurdles but, many of us quit and fall back after the first hurdle. We don’t push ourselves as hard as we should. We stop and take breaks to catch our breath and by the time we’re ready to “GO” we finish second or third place at best. Don’t wonder what it would have been like if you gave your all from the start. Give your all starting now!

Those who know what its like to win in life and who are on that “winning streak” knows what that little extra push can give them. That little extra push gets these people in front of their competitors. This is what it takes to end up with the glory and true success in life.

I know all successful people don’t rely just on that extra push. All successful people have strategies and are willing to be flexible on their way to the next step. When your successful you don’t stop at the first hurdle you accept that its there jump it and keep moving!

Yesterday, I got headache without the real reason. I checked out with my plan and found out that I was far behind the schedule. I thought this may be the cause of my illness. It was not serious but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Then, I thought about the past event which I felt similarly. I think it must have been because of the fear. I had strong feeling of the fear. This fear of failure really bothered me. Then, I picked up the phone and talked to a friend of mine.

This friend gave me some comments on the fear. His explanation was that human had fear especially for the upcoming events because some of the factors were not congruent. The factors include:

1 The intelligence

This is his higher level of conscious mind which has set up the good goal and want to achieve it. This is a good voice in your head and mainly leads you to do the right things.

2 The normal mind

People have a lot of reasons to do things and not doing things. They change the way they think and do according to the situation. Normally, this part of the mind is control by your belief and past experience.

3 The subconscious mind

This is what hides behind your conscious mind. You don’t know what it thinks but it shows in your guts and feeling.

4 The behavior

This is what you do. The three parts of your mind make you do things the way they want.

When one or two of the above factors are not congruent, you will feel uncertain. You will have fear although you tried to think that you are certain to get good result. Your mind can tell if you are lying or you are really going to get what you want.

Here is how you are going to win the fear. You will need solid goals. You will have to be sure in what you want. If your goals are not clear, you will have fear. Set up SMART goals and then develop good plan. If you have both and you are sure about your path, you can eliminate the fear.